I'm with Stupid

The disappearance of Minister Tim Holding from Mt Feathertop this week has prompted many to ponder the role of search and rescue ventures.

Since he sheepishly descended from the mount on Tuesday, the debate as to whether Holding should whip out his wallet and square up the Emergency Services has, predictably, been in full swing. I was actually quite gobsmacked at the vitriol being poured onto public opinion forums, with some suggesting that the Minister deserved to indeed perish for being such a knucklehead.

Far be it from me to use this event to pretend I have deep-seated political leanings (other than to admit that Holding seems like a bit of a tool), I’m more interested in the notion of anyone being invoiced by the Emergency Services, for needing rescue from ‘avoidable’ situations. Who then would determine an incident which had occurred as a direct result of stupidity? And how could they police it without sending stupid people ie. nine tenths of the general population, broke?

I suppose they could adopt a pay-as-you-go policy. You know, let people know what charges they might be in for up front . Imagine a rescue helicopter winching a stupid man to safety… “Look mate, you’ve been a bit of a peanut here. We’re gonna have to sting you. It’s 100 bucks to winch you up and another 200 to fly you back to safety. Will that be cash or credit card? Would you like any optional extras today?"

Hmmm. Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking? Can open… worms everywhere?? Because if we're going to start appointing people judge and jury as to what constitutes an act of stupidity, what guarantees do we have that such a department won’t be entirely made up of stupid people? And what about all the silly poor people who will inevitably remain stuck on the side of cliffs?

Although on the plus side, this could open the door for other tactile units. I personally would like to see a constabulary for crimes against fashion, bad pick up lines, back hair and budgie-smugglers...